I have marriage problems

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Date: Tuesday, 8th March, 2011

0023#

Category

Marriage

Title

I have marriage problems

Question

i need your help desparately. very desperately. i have marriage problems.

basically my daughter goes to islamic school where they held a fayre. i asked my husband if i could put a stall up. he refused. so i said ok. my cousin became interested and so i got her a stall. my husband was in pakistan. when i phoned him to tell him i am going to fayre with mum and children he said is your cousin coming. i said yes. he then said why is she coming. i said “just”. now im being called a liar, when my cousin had asked me not to say anyting because of peoples talks. im stuck now because he says he cant trust me.

while he was in pakistan he said dont phone me (this was for 2 weeks). i couldnt hold my self because i dont like sleeping on my problems. when i phoned he said if you phone again i will send you a registry meaning (im sure you know). i didnt phone after that. he came and i spoke to him. he said there are two options, you either get the papers signed and you are free or you sleep separate from me. i have been begging him literally with my hands folded, cried and said im sorry, cant live with out him . what do i do now. he tortures me at every point. he asked me to get a letter from draw, i couldnt find it and he started bad languaging me and saying you always do that when its my work. you either forget or your tired. i try my best as always. i bring him food and he says he doesnt want it. i walk into the room and he says i dont want to see your face, go. if he cant find the hair brush, he will swear and mumble nasty words. ive got three children and i am doing this for them. i have changed myself drastically for him and he always has put me down. he stopped me from wearing certain clothes, i stopped, he said dont go out for no reason, i stopped. if i go out to do something he will start phoning. if i say il be back in half an hour and if i get stuck in trafic he used to say bad things. i wear loosish clothes he says they are still tight, he said dont wear make up – i have stopped. he said dont cut your hair – i havent. i got a 9 year old who gets invited from school to friend house just to play (because it was her friends birthday but she did not celebrate it). my husband said no. how much is he going to stop kids from doing.  this is all before. how much do i tolerate. i cant do anything right. if he makes a mistake he never admits but turns it on me. what do i do and where do i go. now he said just sleep on the floor, we are at mums house and there is house extension going on so there are no duvets or anything. i said to him and he said i dont care. so i slept with a sheet on floor and towel on top of me. i froze. in the morning he kicked my foot and said go and sleep on bed.

is this what im left for. is this what im destined for. i pray namaz mashalah i pray to allah, i read hasbunallah he va nimal vakeel etc. as much as i can. what do i do. i cant concentrate on anything i let my temper out on my kids and i cant do this anymore. i cant talk to mum because he will mind. cant talk to my mother in law because shes not well. im desparate what do i do. what can i read. i have begged him, folded my hands infront of him, but he says no. pls help

 

Answer

Muhtaram / Muhtaramah ,
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Jazakallah for writing to us regarding your problem. As I understand it, you did not have your own stall but your cousin had one. Do tell me, did you serve on her stand and did you sell your products as you wanted to before your husband told you not to have a stall? I get the impression that he has understood it this way and before I can comment further, I would like to know if this is what did happen.

You also write that he has been bad tempered and has had a harsh attitude for a long time. tell me, which country do you live in? Is it one of the European countries or Canada? It is very cold there, so please let me know. I would also like to know if you have a father or brothers who can intercede for you. If not, do you have other male relatives who will be able to talk to your husband? Please write as soon as possible.

In the meantime, please make lots of dua, istigarah, zikr and nafl salaah. Please get up for tahujjud salaah every night and give sadqa daily, even if it a few cents only. Do remember that Allah Ta’ala is not unmindful of what is going on. Take refuge in Allah Ta’ala and in the Quran. May Allah Ta’ala comfort and protect you, your imaan and your children, ameen.

 

And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa

Madrasah Inaa’miyya

 

 

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