What is the punishment for those who hurt others feelings and reject proposals because of physical features?

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Question

Aslam-u-Alykum

I was in a relationship with a Muslim man a few months ago. We wanted to make our feelings halal for each other so we decided to tell our parents about our intentions to get married. My family is Pakistani and his family is Indian. Alhamdulillah my parents agreed to get us married however his parents rejected me several times. First I was rejected because I am a Pakistani. Then I was rejected due to my physical features. I have no issues with my beauty however, according to his parents I am not tall or fair enough to look good in his family. After several unsuccessful attempts I decided to break up with him as I did not want to continue a haram relationship. However we kept in contact in case his parents agreed to get us married.  We had no such luck. About a month ago I received an email from the man I wanted to marry. He had told me in that email that he has accepted a proposal from a PAKISTANI girl that his parents found for him on a matrimonial website. I was extremely shattered to hear that.

As time passed, I began to realize that his parents had rejected me because of control issues. His parents rejected me because they did not pick me to be their daughter-in-law, but his son did.

What makes things worst is that I am certain that the man I wanted to marry did not accept another proposal. It was a lie to end everything and move on as this situation was frustrating for both of us.

After learning all of this, I went into severe depression. Today I am no longer in depression but I am ashamed to say I have nothing but hate left for him and his family. I feel like I was played with. I understand Muslims are not allowed to stay mad at one another for more than 3 days but I cannot get this hate out of me. I am still in pain and my trust and confidence have been shattered. I pray to Allah that he gives me the strength to deal with this but I am finding it hard.

I have a few questions.

1. What is the punishment for those who hurt others feelings and reject proposals because of physical features?

2. Is it already decided by Allah whom we get married to?

Answer

Muhtaram / Muhtaramah ,

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Jazakallah for writing to us regarding your experience with a man and his family. I have read your e mail and noted the contents thereof. Sister, allow me to be forthright with you. I am sure that you are aware that contact and relationships between unmarried men and women in Islam is not halaal. No matter how we may try to believe otherwise or how we may think that this is an insignificant aspect of our lives as Muslims, let me assure you that it is very important. Let me also remind you that Allah Ta’ala loves us more than any human being could ever love us. Allah Ta’ala’s love extends to such an extent that even when we disobey His commands of purdah and we commit zina, it is only through His infinite mercy that we are rescued from situations that could lead to utter disaster, punishment in the grave and the aagirah.

Be grateful to Allah Ta’ala that you have been taken out of this relationship. It was not meant for you. It could be that Allah Ta’ala desires the best of the best for you. That Allah Ta’ala wants you to turn to Him first, to glorify and worship Him as you should. Allah Ta’ala may have set aside better for you later in life, insha’allah.

You cannot change the past. However you need to make abundant istigfar and ask Allah Ta’ala to forgive you for your error. Turn to him in sincere repentance, promise not to turn to zina again and ask for His guidance. Become steadfast in your daily salaah, read the Quran with understanding, make abundant zikr and dua, give sadqa often and seek the company of pious ladies who will be able to teach you more about Islam. You will insha’allah learn how precious you are and that this so called ‘loss’ is nothing but a blessing from Allah Ta’ala. Move closer to Allah Ta’ala and ask Him to grant you a pious husband with a good character. You are indeed a precious creation of Allah Ta’ala and you need a husband and a family who will treasure you. Forgive the man and his family and recognise that you are also responsible for this loss. It is very important that you do not blame others for what has happened to you. May Allah Ta’ala help you to observe His commandments and also seek His pleasure in all aspects of your life. Ameen

And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa

Madrasah Inaa’miyya

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