I’m a person who is cheesed off with the decisions of Allah. His decisions don’t seem to help me at all. Rather, they just seem to do me harm after harm. Sometimes, I fell like asking him, “What were You thinking?!” I’m left struggling to say “It was for the best” when it can be better still. I try to be patient by as much as possible but in the end it doesn’t seem to be worth it especially when Allah sends a test that is too much for me and I end up snapping and say all sorts of bad stuff. Every time I get a little close to Allah, he sends me packing and I have to start all over again. It is just getting crazy and not worth it. It just makes me more despondent in Allah which then sends me towards a downward spiral towards doom. That is why I am cheesed off.
The core to this needless situation I must say is Dua! I try my best to ask from Him humbly but don’t seem to get what I want ESPECIALLY when it is really important. This decreases my Iman. Sometimes I want something to be answered in this world as a source of motivation. But it just dosen’t seem to happen which is what cheeses me off. Then I feel like asking the question and then my state of mind gets worse. I sincerely believe I would be better off if I didn’t ask from him at all as the act, which is supposed to be a means of worship, is leading me astray. I don’t blame myself at all. It’s not my fault that I do everything to please Allah only for Him to do the opposite for me when he doesn’t answer my Duas. It feels like a huge kick in the teeth.
My question is, can I stop raising my hands to Allah if it does more harm than good?
I really do believe I would be better off if I didn’t ask from Him because I can’t see how He is doing the right things when I’m just losing out altogether with all due thanks to Him.
I’m a person who does NOT have the ability to be patient for long enough as it is not in Allah’s will for me to have long patience.
Muhtaram / Muhtaramah
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.
What makes you believe that making Dua is causing harm to you?
What is your measure to make this conclusion?
What makes you believe that you will be better off without Dua?
What is your concept of Dua?
Do you think Dua means that Allah must do as you wish?
Do you believe that Allah’s wisdom is absolute?
Is it possible that the Barakah of Dua is repelling some other major calamaties fom you?
And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah