how can i deal with this situation

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Question

i am grappling with an extremely tough situation.  i married a person who had indulged in many western decadence prior to marriage.  at the time of marriage, he repented from all, and became a true practicing Muslim, and adopting a true Muslim life.  Even then i was apprehensive about our future together fearing that a man’s habits are hard to change.  however, i truly feared Allah and the consequences of not marrying a person who had repented from all.  I was foolish enough to believe his gratitude that i was the reason for him coming on the right path. i feared Allah that if i not marry him, he may go astray.  hence, i pressured my parents for our union.

After marriage, he now sees the need to ‘westernize and blend with the local western population’ in order to excel further in life.  he has completely stopped observing salat, questions the need to do so, and has started drinking socially so as to become one of the boys!  i have so much as fallen to his feet, begging him to atleast give up drinking, but he paid no heed.  it has tensed me so much, that i cant even produce enough milk to feed my five month old.  the thought of my two children growing up and realizing that their father’s breath after a night out with friends smells of alcohol kills me.  i threatened with leaving him, but nothing matters.  please advise me how to deal with this situation.  i have started abhorring him, and although i am trying my best to observe my obligations as a wife graciously, it is having its toll on my life…its just killing me.  i pray all the time and its not him that i care for, but rather the father of my children that i am worried about and the influence he will have over them.  please advise me – how can i deal with this situation.  i was misguided by him and i feel divinely cheated.  i am extremely tensed and deeply disturbed. 

Answer

 

Muhtaram / Muhtaramah

 

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.


We make Dua that Allah grants you courage in your predicament.

It appears that until your husband does not get a hard kick, he will not change. If my understanding is correct and you honestly feel that a separation will jolt him then you should consider that. It is possible he will initially act independent. When he realizes the loss, he will come begging. That is when you may put all possible pressure on him to do as you wish. You should not be soft and give in. You should be firm. Your intention should be to reform him. Be hard to be kind. Also make lots of Dua to Allah to guide you and him. The above suggestion should be of help if he is used to your comforts and loves his children. Insha-Allah, all will be well for you with some sacrifice.

And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah

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