I have a problem my cousin

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Question


I have a problem my cousin asked me this question and i don’t know how to reply. He said he suspects his father of having an affair and he says he can prove it. (Through his phone)If he tells his mother it will end the marriage. What must he do?

Answer

Muhtaram / Muhtaramah

 

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.


There are three aspects to this query: 

  • Parents
  • Suspicion
  • Seniors of the family

At the outset your cousin should understand that since this is an issue that relates to his/her parents, it is extremely sensitive. Furthermore, the sensitivity and complexity of the issue further exacerbates this. Respect for ones parents can never be compromised at any stage even though they may be non Muslim. Therefore, the first and foremost approach your cousin needs to adopt is an approach of respect and humility. We all are human and are prone to error. No one is above error. The mistakes of any of his parents should not result in him losing respect for them. They are his/her parents after all and Allah chose them to be a means of him/her coming into this world. They took care of him/her for many years until he/she became of understanding. Therefore your cousin should not forget the past and always remain committed to serving, revering and being obedient to his/her parents.

Nevertheless, your cousin should be careful in raising this topic with his/her mother. Since this issue has a potential of breaking up the marriage it is important that he/she refrains from addressing the issue. Otherwise your cousin will be used as a tool for the parents to score points at each other and then left at the expense of being stretched between two loyalties viz. mother and father. However, before your cousin makes any advancement in this matter, he/she should have sound grounds to make such a claim. Having a doubt or mere suspicion without any evidence is far more serious and dangerous. Therefore, your cousin should think carefully before intending to pursue this matter. If he/she has any doubt he/she should refrain and make Tawbah for having such thoughts.

If he/she has sound grounds to proceed with the matter, it is our advice that your cousin does not handle the issue. He/she may refer to a senior member of the family who has the confidence of parents to mediate in the matter. The mediator should be a person of integrity and respect. He/she should have some experience in conflict management thereby striking a resolve between the parties. Otherwise he/she may even worsen the situation and cause far more damage than anticipated. The “mediator” need not to mention the source of the information and as far as possible never implicate your cousin into the saga. The mediator should be governed by the fear of Allah when handling this matter and not make it a subject of gossip and free talk.

Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم said “Whoever conceals the faults of his Muslim brother in this world, Allah will conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah”. If the intention is to reach a resolve, then surely a resolve will be reached.

Your cousin should turn his/her attention to Allah and beg of him to resolve the issue in the best possible way without causing harm to anyone. It is only Allah that knows the outcome of any situation and only unto him should we rely.

 

And Allah Knows Best

 

  • The Sharée ruling herein given is specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
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